How can you regain Trust?

(Q) How do u regain some ones trust after they have broke it in the past and u gave them so many chances and they just done the same thing over again?

(A) Trust is one of the hardest things to gain, especially after it has been lost time and time again. Fortunately, we don't have a button we can press to turn this feature on and off. Unconsciously, our own mind and body controls this behavioral trait to protect you. If someone has broken your trust time and time again, you have to ask yourself, Is it worth Trusting this person again?

If you truly believe so, and can become vulnerable to additional pain, then you will need to forgive this person for the times they have lost your trust. Make a list of each incident and look at what you gained from the experience. Once you are able to completely forgive them, then you can move on from the past and look forward to the future.

Dating Myth or Truth? Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater

So you've been cheated on. It's devastating -- like being kicked in the gut and thrown into the gutter. You can't eat or function at work. Or maybe you're up all night watching old movies, bawling, and eating pints of Ben and Jerry's. Discovering your partner's affair gives you such heartache and pain that you doubt you'll ever recover.

But when the cheater tries hard to win you back, some questions loom large: Should you forgive him/her? Is this cheater going to cheat again? You may feel torn; perhaps wanting to take your remorseful partner back, but you feel like it's a point of pride not to. You may want to drop the cheater altogether, dive into an online personals pool, and start looking for a more loyal significant other.

No doubt about it, it's difficult to deal with a cheater, and you're not alone. Research shows that even among married couples, cheating is relatively common: about 22% of men and 13% of women cheat. According to recent studies, even spouses who describe themselves as "happy" with their marriage have affairs.

But the good news is this:
Some couples . who share strong chemistry can actually work through the crisis of an affair. Not only that, they can become closer and put an end to cheating once and for all. In some cases, couples can learn and grow from the painful emotional hurricane, otherwise known as the aftermath of an affair.

Of course, there are promiscuous players who will cheat and cheat and cheat again. These are the ones you truly have to stay away from. How do you tell if you're dealing with a chronic cheater?

Here are five signs that may indicate a former cheater is not a chronic case and that the relationship still has hope:

1. Your partner is truly remorseful and regrets having cheated. Look for heartfelt apologies that ring true when you hear them. He/she accepts total blame for his/her betrayal.

2. Your partner cuts off all contact with the relationship perpetrator.

3. He/she shows a renewed appreciation and devotion towards you.

4. You wind up having deep, open, and honest conversations with each other about your relationship, including what was missing in it and how you'd like it to progress.

5. Your partner wants psychotherapy or counseling either individually or with you to understand his/her own dynamics and to improve your relationship.

If the former cheater shows these signs and you can forgive him/her, consider taking your partner back. Yet, be aware that taking your partner back carries one caveat: There's a possibility your partner will slip back into infidelity.
And just how do you know if the cheating has resurfaced?

Here are some common signs that may indicate secret betrayal:

He/she works late a lot.
He/she suddenly takes trips you aren't invited to go on.
He/she spends too much time with hobbies that don't include you.
You get mysterious phone calls with hang-ups.
You find bills for unexplained hotel stays or gift-type items.
Intimacy in your relationship dramatically decreases.
He/she grows more distant or agitated than usual.

Prepare yourself emotionally for the chance that you may become a victim of an affair again, but don't expect it. You've chosen to forgive your partner, so let bygones be bygones. But if you uncover another affair, it's time to protect yourself from any further heartbreak by breaking up with this hurtful person immediately. Move on and don't let this unfaithful person ruin your future relationships. Leave your anger and sorrow behind; it's not only fair to your next partner, but beneficial to your psychological well-being and your potential to bond with a better partner. Keep your spirits high, because there are wonderful new matches waiting out there -- and right there on your computer screen!

In sum, if your partner strays, it doesn't absolutely mean he/she will do it again. "Once a cheater, always a cheater" isn't necessarily true. Forgiving and reuniting is an option. If you've been betrayed but want to see if it can work, go ahead and work on it. Just keep in mind that you've decided to take a risk, and don't let paranoia get the best of you. But at the same time, pay attention to your partner's behavior so you can spot which way the train is heading!



I've been cheated on, more than once. And let me tell you, it was hell. The first woman I ever fell in love with, swept me off my feet and left me to hang dry! I was devastated. Took me about a year to get over it and move on. There was a time in my life where I probably would have taken her back.

It's now 2 1/2 years later, and there's NO WAY I would go down that route again. I know we all make mistakes. But, I don't think everyone is able to break the habit. Be very careful with these types of people. What I've noticed is that they tend to pamper and spoil you, making themselves feel better about their actions. PIGS!! -Nichole

Six Relationship-Ending Dating Behaviors

These violations of trust will kill any relationship
By David Wygant Special to Yahoo! Personals

Finding the one to share a relationship with is a blessing. Once you've bonded with this special someone, keep in mind that respecting your partner's privacy and retaining trust are essential to maintaining a healthy relationship. If you cross certain behavioral boundaries that violate your partner's trust, you may cause irreparable damage to your relationship.

As a dating coach, I'm not usually a fan of hard and fast "rules" for relationships. I've, nevertheless, identified widespread behaviors which will likely end any relationship. So to help you ensure that you don't breach the "trust" boundary in your relationship, here are six detrimental dating behaviors that should always be avoided:

1. Prying into private info. If you suspect your partner of betrayal, does that give you the right to start reading your partner's email? To listen to his/her voicemail messages? To hack into his/her online profile? The answer to all of these is "no!"

You should never dig through your partner's personal emails or listen to your partner's voicemail messages. By doing this, you violate not only your partner's trust, but also the trust your partner has with anyone who left those voice messages and emails.

2. Lying for the greater good. Lying is never good in a relationship, although we've probably all been guilty of doing it. Lying to your partner in an effort to avoid hurting him/her or to avoid confrontation may seem like a wise decision. Regrettably, you will end up digging a deeper hole for yourself when that lie is exposed, which is almost always inevitable. When caught in this situation, you end up hurting your partner anyway, and whatever you were trying to protect your partner from -- by lying to them -- will be even worse because of your deception. I recommend honestly communicating with your partner from the get-go.

3. Pulling a "James Bond." You should never snoop in your partner's private things (drawers, wallet, filing cabinet, or private records -- such as bank or credit card statements). Furthermore, nothing justifies snooping. No matter what you have a "hunch" about, snooping through your partner's things should never be pursued to confirm or deny your hunch. Your partner's possessions and personal records should be kept private unless he/she gives you permission to look at them. Spying on your partner is one of the most blatant violations of your partner's trust and will achieve nothing except having your partner never trust you to be alone near his/her things ever again.

4. Designating yourself "Magnum P.I." Another ill-advised way some people try to verify suspected bad behavior by their partner is to take on the role of private investigator by attempting to "catch their partner in the act" of doing something. Whether this takes the form of searching for your partner's car by driving by his/her house, work, or gym or it takes the form of following your partner in your car, this is something you should never do. Even if you have a convincing hunch that your partner is hiding something from you, stalking is the wrong way to address it. If your partner finds out you've been "tailing him/her" in your car, he/she will no longer trust you.

5. Sending others to do your dirty work. Don't ever send a friend or anyone else to gather information for you about your partner or to spy on your partner for you. This means, don't send a friend to go hang out where you know or suspect your partner will be. Don't have your friend try to eavesdrop on your partner's conversations in places he/she goes. Don't ask your friends to use their cell phone to snap covert pictures of your partner. All of these favors from friends not only violate your partner's trust, but also reveal your total lack of trust in your partner.

6. Checking up constantly. One of the biggest ways to reveal that you don't trust your partner is to manifest that distrust with paranoid and obsessive behavior. While calling your partner regularly is quite normal, calling him/her incessantly to "check up" comes off as obsessive and will drive your partner away. If, for example, your partner is unable to answer his/her phone for a few hours and by the time he/she accesses it he/she discovers you've called 50 times, you not only come off as being paranoid and obsessive, but you clearly communicate to your partner that you distrust him/her. Also, when you panic every time 10 minutes go by without a reply from your partner by a phone call or an email, it sends the exact same message.
So even if you have some type of "intuition" that your partner is hiding something from you, it's better to engage in a confrontation with him/her openly rather than searching for answers secretly. Even if your partner doesn't respond to your attempts to talk about it the first, second, or third time, chances are that you'll eventually discuss it -- and the outcome of voicing your suspicions honestly with your partner will always be better than if your partner discovers you engaged in any of the behaviors I've talked about.

No matter how much love exists in your relationship, it cannot survive without trust.
No matter how much love exists in your relationship, it cannot survive without trust. Violating someone's trust will never take a relationship to a better place. In fact, by doing so, you may very well be single-handedly orchestrating the end of what could have been a fantastic relationship. Also, keep in mind that I didn't mention the most obvious relationship-ending behavior to avoid: Cheating.



Boy Am I guilty of a Few of the Above... But, if it wasn't for me checking her e-mail, I would have NEVER known she was cheating on me. Sometimes we got to do, what we got to do. Learning from my past, rather than going behind their back and checking it without their permission, confront them and pull it up together.

If they are hesitant..Then you can pretty much assume they have something to hide. If someone is cheating, do you honestly think they are going to admit it if you bring it up to them? HELL NO! They will lie until their face turns blue and give you every excuse in the book. There should be NO secrets in a healthy relationship. There is no you or I in "US". -Nichole

I want a friend, she wants More. What do I do?

(Q) I started seeing this girl I met online a few months ago. She's a great girl but just not for me. I enjoy her company and being her friend, but she wants more. She's constantly calling, texting and always wants to see me. What do I do??

(A) First and foremost, you are not alone!! I know a lot of women who are like this. You have to be honest with her and tell her exactly how you are feeling. The more you lead her on, the more attached she is going to get… and the HARDER it'll be for you to get rid of her. Honesty is always the best policy.

It doesn't seem like you want to cut all ties with her, more so just distance yourself. I would suggest sitting her down and having a conversation about this face to face. Sometimes us women can be sooo caught up in the moment, we don't know we're being a Bug-A-Boo! Nobody likes to be smothered. If she likes you, she will want you to be happy.

If that STILL doesn't work.. Then I suggest you RUN!!! Just Joking. In all seriousness, sometimes we just need to take a break. Give the mind and heart time to deal. After a while, her feelings and interest will subside. When that happens, it will enable you two to have a true friendship.

Trip Planning, Cheap Airfare

(Q) I've been thinking about planning a Trip, by myself. Any destinations you'd like to suggest? Also, do you know where I can get some cheap airfare?

(A) I've always wanted to take a trip alone! I think it's a good way to clear your mind and get in some relaxation. There are many destinations to chose from, depending on what you're looking to do on this trip. Not sure where you live. But, I'm in the Midwest. I've actually never even seen the Ocean, isn't that sad?

If I were to plan a trip by myself, I'd want to go somewhere when I can relax, drink and have a good time. With that being said, I would recommend Key West. I've personally NEVER been there. However, I have heard NOTHING BUT GREAT THINGS ABOUT THE ISLAND. You can fly into Miami or Fort Lauderdale and take the cruise down the keys. Or, you can fly direct. Your choice.

As for cheap airfare..haha. If I had the answer I'd be on a Trip right now! Some sites that I've used, which are pretty common are:

http://www.orbitz.com/
http://www.expedia.com/
http://www.jetblue.com/

Also.. If you're looking for vacation packages, http://www.funjet.com/ is good. But, I'm not sure if they'd have anything for Key West. Hope you enjoy your trip! A follow up would be nice.

Love Spells, Good or Bad?

(Q) Do you feel that it is wrong to have a love spell done on someone that you love?

(A) I do not think that casting a Love Spell on someone is a good idea. Reason being, it interferes with freedom of will and other precious mechanisms one likes to have in order to enjoy life. Sometimes they go very askew due to the conflicting interests of all parties involved. Focus your energy some where else. To fall in love with another, one must first learn to love themselves. Find the good in yourself and recognize your inherent worth. If you see it, others will too!


"Be true in love, this you must do, unless your love is false to you."

Need Advice?

Then this is the Spot for you! I got extra time on my hands and I want to help you out. So.. if there's something that's been bothering you.. or you need help making a decision. I'd be more than happy to give you my input. Just send your scenario/issue to: AskNichole@yahoo.com OR if you would like to remain even MORE Anonymous, you can post an ANONYMOUS COMMENT to this Entry.

Questions/Scenarios will be posted (all anonymously of course), along with my response!

Can't wait to hear from you all! =)